i keep it a hunnid (100) with y'all so don't expect anything less when it comes to this post...
It's summer time and boy 'ole boy.. I AM SO GLAD TO BE HOME. In the south, the summer is full of festivities! We know how to have fun and just enjoy each other. All the college kids are home and just about everyday I receive a "WYD today?" text message or "what's the move ?" text message. There's never a dull moment!
But you know who hit my line the MOST!? The dudes that have GIRLFRIENDS or aggy baby mamas! Everyone knows that I DO NOT deal with the baby mama drama or dudes that are taken, which results in me being single.. but I'm okay with that... However, other women could care less if you have a girlfriend or not *shrugss* some women know their "place" whenever dealing with a dude and don't complain. However...I'm not one of those women but it took me a while to get in the state of mind that I'm in today.
Nevertheless... Let's be realistic for about 5 minutes.
There have been many times that I've come in contact with other young women who are struggling in their relationships. The two main issues that their relationships lack is trust and communicating within their relationship. But you know what's funny? 9 times out of 10, the lack of trust and communicating has already been established before the relationship is even inituated. We already know what kind of dude we're dealing with but don't care to be real and I know because I use to be the same way. As we all know! Women have this FBI ideology and manage to dig up any dirt / information on her potential boyfriend. I've done it and still do! It's okay to try to figure what you're getting yourself into. Consequently, we discover some information that we DO NOT want to know but can't erase what you've already found. *shrugs*
See, here's where we go wrong....
We FIND DIRT! But still accept the dude with the dirt! *SMH* You know that he's a cheater because his ex just exposed him on Facebook! You know he doesn't want to do anything with his life because he's always on Instagram "posted up" with the boys! You know that he's abusive because you've heard about him in the streets but yet, you accept the dude with the dirt.
And as soon as that dirt comes to light, issa wrap. I know so many young women who get into altercations and fights because of their dude they're associated with. And may I add, fighting is NEVER the way to handle things, especially over somebody's son that's doing YOU wrong!!! Instead of fighting the side-chick or main, which ever one fits you personally, you need to check with your boyfriend *shruggs*
If the signs are there, don't ignore them! You'll end up looking stupid and regretful..
It's almost like we set ourselves up!!! We already know these dudes for everybody but still try to give them the benefit of the doubt & that's how we end up broken hearted. We listen to Trina's hit single, "SINGLE AGAIN" or even better, Kashdoll "For Everybody" just to feel like we've "bossed up" but in reality, shawty hurtinnngg! In reality, somethings that happen to us can be controlled! And if you can detect an unhealthy relationship stray away! Don't try to sit and figure out ways to change a somebody's son. They'll only change for the woman he WANTs to change for, until the, he's going to do him.
In conclusion, if he gives you ideas that he's for everybody, not loyal and entertaining other females. 9/10 he's doing just that sis.
First, let me be the first to say that I am not here to point fingers or make anyone feel bad about any past relationships. It is very hard to get over someone, so it wouldn’t be fair for me to say that it is easy or to “get over it”. Also, I never want to portray the image as the "victim", just stating facts and ways to grow. However, it takes time, healing and prayer to get over a bad relationship. I was told these words,
“ it is okay to be down, sad and hurt… as long as you aren’t down, sad and hurt for long”
I am a very determined young woman and it is beneficial. However, whenever it comes to relationships with people I found myself trying to make things work. And these relationships could be with friends or relationships with boys ( yes, I say boys because NONE of my ex’s were men, yet). Regardless of how much energy I would put into these relationships, they just never worked. I've had to learn the hard way that you can force anyone to care about you. You can't force loyalty. You have to come to the realization that things happen for a reason and I mean ALL things happen for a reason. Some situations are NOT meant to be permanent, but just lessons. Now, I know that was God’s way of cancelling those people out of my life because they weren’t benefiting me in anyway! But, I didn’t want to hear that.. I wanted those relationships to work, I wanted those people to be in my life but God said otherwise.
I’m not going to act like I’ve never been heart-broken, I would be lying if I said I’ve never been in that space. It has literally taken so much time, energy and prayer for me to be emotionally healed. I was tired of caring for someone who didn’t care about me. Yes, I shed a few tears. Yes, I was down for a whillllllle. I would put on a front for people, many people didn’t even know the how I was feeling or the situation itself. I was not interested in dating or meeting new dudes. Every time i met someone new, I compared them to my ex. I was just a MESS!!! Ya girl was off-track, not focused, the whole 9-yards! I lost myself. However, I knew that it was okay for me to feel this way, I mean, I’m human and I have feelings and emotions. ( don't ever let anyone tell you that it's not okay to feel this way) But one day I had to pick myself up and let the hurt go! I was tired of feeling down. I was tired of my spirit cringing every time someone mentioned this individual’s name. I was tired of hoping that the unknown number that called me was him.
I was just TIRED!
So, I picked myself up and got it together. It wasn't easy though! I promise yall, the only way I was able to get over this heartbreak was through praying! God has a funny way to get your attention but I didn’t find any of these situations funny, to say the least lol. But through all of my storms and relationships, I have grown and learned so much about not only people but myself as well.
Now, it's time to boss up *shrugs*
I won't allow anyone's son to take energy away from me! Now, I have so many things to focus on! My education, my future and my success. From now on, I encourage anyone to Bruh Zone any dude that's causing you heartache. I promise sis, the pain isn't worth it. Cut it off before it becomes too much for you to handle! and even if you don't listen to me, you'll learn and wish you would have. It's okay for to Bruh Zone Bae and when you do it, do it real quick!
I saw an inspirational picture the other day and it gave me a great idea for blog content!