In the lovely month of October, the year of 1997, my parents were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. My mom was so excited about giving birth to her very first and only child. Over the years, during our various mother-daughter conversations, she emphasized to me how ecstatic she was to give birth to a baby girl. She explained how much she enjoyed dressing me up with cute bows, puffy dresses and even just playing with me on her down times. I was her bundle of joy, I got her through her rough times. Usually, rough times occur from outside sources, you know, stress from work, friends and even family members. But the rough times my mother went through were mostly with my father and having a child with epilepsy did not make things any better. She struggled and I was right there by her side, through thick and thin. I had no idea that I was her motivation to break away from the hell hole WE lived in.
Growing up, I never knew what it meant to be a “daddy’s girl”. I always wanted to be one but it seemed like it was impossible. Sometimes, I hated watching family orientated movies or reality shows. It seemed so unreal, you know, children with their fathers actually in their lives and ACTIVE. I use to say to myself, “these people are all living lies, just on here to make money,” but in reality, I was actually living a lie. I remember when I was in the third grade, I asked my father to take me to school. My best friend at the time was dropped off at school every morning by her father, I wanted the same. Anyways, after begging him ( yes, BEGGING!) to take me to school, he finally did. However, I was not prepared for what was about to happen that morning. My father walked me in, hugged me, told me “Have a great day Darling” and then exited the building. I was so excited because he never took me to school before. (sn: my father was and still is a smoker..) Once he exited the room, my friends asked me, “ Is that your dad?” I proudly said, “YES! That’s my daddy.” They giggled and giggled and I had no idea why. I began to get mad and angry, so I asked them, “ Why? What’s wrong with my dad ?” and before they could respond my teacher called me to her desk. I did not know what to expect, I thought I was getting in trouble about something. She says, “Sweetie, does your dad smoke?” I hesitantly replied, ”Yes maam”. She could see the disappointed in my eyes, she could she that I was slightly embarrassed about his bad smoking habits. She made a smart decision by allowing me to go back to my seat because of how embarrassed I was.
I said all of that to say this, that morning in the car while he drove me to school was the last time I spent “quality time” with my dad. I am now 19 years old and nothing has changed. Over the years, it was just me and my mommy. There were countless nights when my father threatened me and my mom. Lied to us. Made us feel unsafe in our own home! He NEVER came to any of my school events, but my MOMMY DID! He never supported me or spent time with me, but my MOMMY DID! He does not even remember my birth date, but my MOMMY DOES! All of these things just proves that I am NOT a Daddy’s girl, nor will I EVER BE! And honestly, I am completely okay with that. My mom has been the mother and father and now that I am 19, I believe she did a damn good job of rearing me and helping me become the woman I am today.
Although my parents were married for many years, my mom was basically a single parent. She worked 2-3 jobs just to make sure I did not notice the struggle. Anything I wanted or wanted to participate in, she made sure it happened. My father had a job but his money was going to child support to his other children that my mom had no idea about. My mom paid the bills, took care of a me who had epilepsy, had me enrolled into a Christian Private school, and still managed to make it look so EASY! Still to this day, I have no idea how she did it with a smile on her face. Again, this proves that I am NOT a Daddy’s girl. So many people thought that we lived a happy life. That my dad was always there and that he treated us right, shaking my head, WRONG! Whatever he was telling the streets was all false information, he was never there.
In 2009, my mom made the best decision to dip and leave his punk ass! (LOL, she’s probably going to get me once she reads this and notice that I’m cursing on here, giggle, sorry ma!) Her divorce was final in 2010 and life has been great! I am so proud of my mommy for making this life changing decision. Happily, I can say, I am NOT a Daddy's Girl but I AM a Mommy's Gal :)